The Fears of a Soon-to-be Mom

The Fears of a Soon-to-be Mom

As we get ready to become adoptive parents soon, there are many thoughts that crowd my mind.

A friend has asked me recently: “What are you most afraid of and what excites you in becoming a mom?”

While I thought of my answers and tried to think what those things would be, I decided to write them down to read them later to see what has changed after I became a mom to two school-age kids. 

If you already have kids, feel free to chuckle about my fears (and appreciate how much experience you’ve got), but keep in mind – these really make me anxious right now. And no, that anxiety won’t go away if you simply will say “It’s easy” or “You’ll be okay” or “God will help.”

I know God’s with us, but it doesn’t help to quell the fear of unknown territory. You can help by praying for us and the kids, however, because we’ll make use of all the prayers we can get.

I am afraid that I won’t know how to balance stuff.

Everyone tells me that I shouldn’t spoil the kids right away and I get that… but at the same time, there’s the natural desire within me to share everything with these kids who didn’t have a chance to enjoy a normal childhood up until now. 

I am afraid that I won’t know what to do with kids.

To be honest, up until I was about 28-29 years old, I didn’t even really want kids. I mean, I enjoyed spending time being a counselor at camps (even if there were times I wanted to run away from them, by the time I finally had all ten of them in bed and sleeping, they looked like angels… *Sigh.*) 

When it came to having my own kids… I liked the idea sometimes, but I didn’t feel ready. Am I ready now? I think so.

But what if I run out of the activities to do? What if kids get bored and I will have stuff to do? How do you remain a good enough mom?

Again, the pressure here is mostly due to social media: all the pics on Pinterest and Instagram, all the mommy-blogs about the million things they do with their kids and seemingly never get tired kinda set the bar high. At the same time, I rely on Lisa-Jo Baker’s blog and podcast as well as Kristina Kuzmic videos, to remind me that actually, parents’ life isn’t easy and pretty all the time.

I am afraid that when I get a migraine, I won’t have the dark and quiet place I usually need to revive.

I’m an introvert who loves to be around people. Most of the time, I covertly observe them, but if it’s a smaller group, I love to talk about things. 

However, when I get “introvert attacks” or migraines, all I want on those days or nights is to get a cup of hot tea, a sandwich, and a chance to not think about anything. 

Will this be possible with kids? No idea. Everyone keeps telling me that “a silent moment with kids is possible on two occasions – one is that the kids are asleep and second is that kids are up to no good.” That’s helpful… not.

I am afraid that I will end up comparing my kids and myself to others

We all live in communities. Even if you live on an island in the middle of nowhere, one-on-one with your kids, you still are a community. There are still people to compare your kids to – even if it’s just your own self growing up. (Who hasn’t been ever tempted to say the phrase “When I was that age, I…”)

Meh.

Our kids have unique personalities. The traits aren’t unique per se, but the combination? Like the Universe – everything consists of the same limited number of chemical elements, but look at the variety of things!

But the guides are tempting to rely upon. When you don’t yet know what is right and what’s wrong, what is the best way to teach your kids, how they should behave and how you should behave…

I am afraid that I will become a helicopter mom

I mean, even though we don’t have kids at home yet, I already start thinking about them in terms of “where are they, what they should be doing in life,” etc., etc., etc.

On one hand, I do realize that both of my kids are unique personalities. But it’s hard to let go and let them be who they are (when I know better!) Heh, it’s gonna be a lifelong lesson in adaptability and relying on God to take care of my babies.

I am afraid that I’ll be too strict or boring

This fear isn’t even tied to having kids. Throughout my life I kept wondering how my friends get along with me when I am basically a nerdy play-by-rules stay-home-read-a-book-rather-than-go-to-dances kind of girl.

I am not risky. I try new foods only when there’s nothing else to eat or when I try someone else’s (who’s trying to get me to eat something new).

I thrive in settings when everyone is trying to be helpful to each other and we all try to notice if someone needs help. Teamwork makes the dream work, etc.

How do you instill that into kids? Do you ever?

How do you teach them that participation in the game is often more important than winning (unless it’s a lottery and you get a prize or food… or discounts…) I love cheering for my friends who won in the board game against me. (Granted, I love it when I win as well. I don’t simply prefer to lose all the time.)

But yeah… will I be a boring mom? A mom who keeps reminding of the rules? (And, is that bad?)

But all those fears aside, I have so many dreams.

For each of those fears, I’ve got three times as many things that excite me about becoming a mother.

It’ll be hard (I have no idea at the moment how hard). It won’t be fun all the time, I remember that (again, from what other people have told me.)

But I hope that when our kids grow up and reach that age when moms and dads can be consulted with (people say that happens around 25-35), they will consider Sam and I as parents they can rely upon.

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