I find it ironic that I wrote about breath recently and now I am struggling with that very thing: breathing.
You know, when you struggle for breath, there’s nothing more satisfying than inhaling and feeling that life-giving oxygen as it gets to where it is supposed to.
I am not saying that I am the most stressed person on the face of the earth. All I’m saying is that I am an introvert who didn’t really get many chances to unwind lately and I can physically sense that tension inside of me – my mind, my soul, and my body.
My husband recently got Ted Dekker’s A.D. 33 for me that I wanted and I am almost done reading the book. Maviah, the main character, has a lot on her plate as well (much more than I do – I would be a complete mess if I had the kind of stress she’s going through) and I am trying to learn alongside with her what it means to surrender fully to God’s will.
There are times when I, like her, wonder “How’s it possible to miss this wonderful message of freedom? It’s so plain and amazing and it makes so much sense!”
Then, there are times when I, like Maviah, get back to the “real” world with all its troubles and I wonder “How can I simply let go of everything I should worry about?” I don’t mean clothes or food, but it’s those “more important things” like worrying about my friends’ health or work issues.
(Yeah, I know… those things should also be surrendered, but…)
Mainly, right now, I am just tired of thinking.
I am tired of making choices. I rejoice when choices turn out good, but with those choices that could’ve been better, or those that shouldn’t have been done at all, or…
I’m burned out. I crave rest.
Three more weeks until my vacation.
The only thought I had when I got up this morning was “Tomorrow I am sleeping in.”
No people to see. No meetings to attend. No plans.