[exhausted]

[exhausted]

I find it ironic that I wrote about breath recently and now I am struggling with that very thing: breathing.

You know, when you struggle for breath, there’s nothing more satisfying than inhaling and feeling that life-giving oxygen as it gets to where it is supposed to.

I am not saying that I am the most stressed person on the face of the earth. All I’m saying is that I am an introvert who didn’t really get many chances to unwind lately and I can physically sense that tension inside of me – my mind, my soul, and my body.

My husband recently got Ted Dekker’s A.D. 33 for me that I wanted and I am almost done reading the book. Maviah, the main character, has a lot on her plate as well (much more than I do – I would be a complete mess if I had the kind of stress she’s going through) and I am trying to learn alongside with her what it means to surrender fully to God’s will.

There are times when I, like her, wonder “How’s it possible to miss this wonderful message of freedom? It’s so plain and amazing and it makes so much sense!”

Then, there are times when I, like Maviah, get back to the “real” world with all its troubles and I wonder “How can I simply let go of everything I should worry about?” I don’t mean clothes or food, but it’s those “more important things” like worrying about my friends’ health or work issues.

(Yeah, I know… those things should also be surrendered, but…)

Mainly, right now, I am just tired of thinking.

I am tired of making choices. I rejoice when choices turn out good, but with those choices that could’ve been better, or those that shouldn’t have been done at all, or…

I’m burned out. I crave rest.

Three more weeks until my vacation.

The only thought I had when I got up this morning was “Tomorrow I am sleeping in.”

No people to see. No meetings to attend. No plans.

Just rest.

  • Sounds like my little sister needs to come to America and rest. šŸ™‚ Hope you find that rest no matter where it is.

    • Oh, I’d love to. If only US visas were easier to get… (not to mention, a bit cheaper – at the moment, just for document submission, the fee is $165 šŸ™ no fun…)

      However, our missionary friends are going on a home assignment in 2018 (yeah, it’s still way in the future), but we were thinking about joining them. That way we’d (hopefully) be able to get some money saved for the trip šŸ™‚

      But in the meantime, we’re taking a week off work before our Easter (May 1) and going to Carpathian mountains. Mountains, swimming pools, mineral water springs nearby… Should be good.

      • Carpathians are our favorite vacation area in Ukraine! What town will you be near?

        • We were in Truskavets and stayed at Villa Kristina – really nice place! It’s a “pet project” of a 5-star hotel there, Mirotel, so you get breakfasts and spa (swimming pools, saunas, gym) at Mirotel and you live 2 minutes away (for half the price) in Villa Kristina šŸ˜€ Perfect setup. And we really enjoyed the hotel itself – very clean, cozy, and welcoming.

          Granted, we didn’t expect food prices – most restaurants are more expensive than the ones in Kyiv!

  • Those are the best kind of vacations, don’t plan anything, just go, get away and do as you feel best for awhile! I hope you get or got some rest!

    • Thanks, Caleb! We indeed got good rest and because we took a week off before Easter and May 2-3 were also days off, it felt so odd to wake up early this morning and realize that actually we’ve got to go to work! šŸ™‚ It feels as if we had a month off, instead of a 1.5 weeks.

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