[I am a Thomas]

[I am a Thomas]

I am a Thomas.

This thought came unbidden to me last night, as Sam and I watched the Holy Ghost movie.

I am a Thomas, who longs to know what to believe.

I am a Thomas, who has seen the underbelly of churches and teachings and the abuse of Christian ideas.

I am a Thomas, who just wants to see and touch.

And yet, I am a Thomas, who lives long after the original one and who knows that it is those who do not see, yet believe are blessed.

Is it too wrong to ask to see?

It is too wrong to ask to understand, to hear, to know?

I miss taking seminary classes and being in the circle of pastors who can share what God is doing in their lives. I am used to that kind of life… when you can sit and listen wise people and you can absorb that knowledge and advice.

I am preaching this coming Sunday at Sam’s church and I have no idea what to preach about. I am new to their Church, even though I am already participating in pretty much all events. They are mostly my age (give or take a few years) and I miss the older generation’s wisdom.

I am a Thomas, whose prayer is echoing that of an Israelite father: “I believe, Lord. Help me with my doubts!”

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