[I am a Thomas]

[I am a Thomas]

I am a Thomas.

This thought came unbidden to me last night, as Sam and I watched the Holy Ghost movie.

I am a Thomas, who longs to know what to believe.

I am a Thomas, who has seen the underbelly of churches and teachings and the abuse of Christian ideas.

I am a Thomas, who just wants to see and touch.

And yet, I am a Thomas, who lives long after the original one and who knows that it is those who do not see, yet believe are blessed.

Is it too wrong to ask to see?

It is too wrong to ask to understand, to hear, to know?

I miss taking seminary classes and being in the circle of pastors who can share what God is doing in their lives. I am used to that kind of life… when you can sit and listen wise people and you can absorb that knowledge and advice.

I am preaching this coming Sunday at Sam’s church and I have no idea what to preach about. I am new to their Church, even though I am already participating in pretty much all events. They are mostly my age (give or take a few years) and I miss the older generation’s wisdom.

I am a Thomas, whose prayer is echoing that of an Israelite father: “I believe, Lord. Help me with my doubts!”

  • I never it as a bad thing to be a Thomas. I once had a professor who taught me Thomas was not a doubter; he was an historian. He wanted the facts. Nothing wrong with that. But you are right in one thing: there is wisdom in age often missed by the younger generation. You are wise in knowing that. Do well sis.

    • It always was more interesting for me to hang out with those who are older because I could learn something from them, just sitting and listening. Granted, a person needed my respect, but usually people from mom’s seminary and other pastors were respectful people. And then I liked hanging out with the younger generation because I could pass on the knowledge. But now that I am among my peers, the dynamics are different.

      Thanks for encouragement, brother. I do think Thomas is put down often among Christians (while in fact it was him who suggested going with Jesus to Jerusalem, even if it means dying with him there…)… but I guess my problem is more related to – is it okay to ask for details and facts? (But you said nothing wrong with that… So I’ll trust you.)

      • I honestly don’t think there is anything wrong with asking for details and facts WITH THE UNDERSTANDING they may not be forthcoming. At least not right away. And at least maybe not the way we want them. 🙂

  • Sounds like a pretty good message you just wrote about. Take courage my sister. I usually tell those I am sharing with I know little but what I know I know and I try to stick to what I know. I know I doubt too, I know I fail often, I know I am a sinner saved by grace, I know I am going to heaven. I am determined to know nothing other then Christ Jesus and Him crucified. All the rest I don’t know I will direct them to someone who does. I love hearing from someone your age. In Exodus when Moses and people were building the Tabernacle God called the wise hearted, or willing hearted men and women to bring their crafts. He did not call them by name of tell their age. I am with Bill, a young one is wise when they know they are not as wise as the older ones and wants to learn. But my blog friend, you do have wisdom and are gaining it daily due to the situation in your country. Trials make one reach deep for truth, for shallow things just won’t hold up in rough times. Praying for you.

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