[when you think you can relax…]

[when you think you can relax…]

On my way to work this morning, I was reading The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, seemingly  a funny book full of irony and satire… yet there was a chapter on forgiveness and turning the other cheek.

“This is something you need to work on.” I thought to myself.

This week was stressful at work because there is our huge Picnic (American Independence Day Picnic where we usually have over 4,000 people) and therefore there is a ton of preparations for it… at the same time, there were personal issues I needed to deal with, and overall, I just felt crabby and very sensitive to any kind of comments.

So this morning I quoted my favorite “You’re a strong man, Peter. Are you strong enough to love?” quote, took a deep breath, and made a decision that I will [try to] be nice and a good Christian example.

It’s a dangerous thing to do because it seems as soon as you make a decision like that… BAM!… There is a situation where you actually need to apply that fervor in action.

I did a lot of deep breathing today. I tried to sip my mint tea calmly. I listened to Dead Letter Circus, a band I discovered today, thanks to a friend. I tried to do everything perfectly… and yet, in the end of the day, I still feel like I have failed yet again. I keep trying to understand why people are the way they are. Isn’t it much easier to work when there’s a good normal friendship going on?

I haven’t given up trying to turn the other cheek without complaint. For now, I mostly protest against it, and it’s easy to understand, yet… I do want to be better. I do want to show Christ’s love – and He died for those He loved (because those He loved killed Him).

In one of the numerous books that I’ve read lately, there was a phrase I haven’t really thought about before.

“It’s not as if Christ was happy to die.”

I think that is the main problem that I have. I forget how hard it was for Him. I have listened to the account of His trial and death so many times, that often I simply forget. That is one of the reasons why I often watch Jesus movie…

It’s hard to love the people whom you don’t really like. I know I am Capt. Obvious here, but I’m just saying…

And all of this is to remind myself that I am NOT giving up. I should not give up. I don’t want to give up. Well, sometimes I really wish I could, but I can’t.

So… we’ll see.

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