[when you think you can relax…]

[when you think you can relax…]

On my way to work this morning, I was reading The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, seemingly  a funny book full of irony and satire… yet there was a chapter on forgiveness and turning the other cheek.

“This is something you need to work on.” I thought to myself.

This week was stressful at work because there is our huge Picnic (American Independence Day Picnic where we usually have over 4,000 people) and therefore there is a ton of preparations for it… at the same time, there were personal issues I needed to deal with, and overall, I just felt crabby and very sensitive to any kind of comments.

So this morning I quoted my favorite “You’re a strong man, Peter. Are you strong enough to love?” quote, took a deep breath, and made a decision that I will [try to] be nice and a good Christian example.

It’s a dangerous thing to do because it seems as soon as you make a decision like that… BAM!… There is a situation where you actually need to apply that fervor in action.

I did a lot of deep breathing today. I tried to sip my mint tea calmly. I listened to Dead Letter Circus, a band I discovered today, thanks to a friend. I tried to do everything perfectly… and yet, in the end of the day, I still feel like I have failed yet again. I keep trying to understand why people are the way they are. Isn’t it much easier to work when there’s a good normal friendship going on?

I haven’t given up trying to turn the other cheek without complaint. For now, I mostly protest against it, and it’s easy to understand, yet… I do want to be better. I do want to show Christ’s love – and He died for those He loved (because those He loved killed Him).

In one of the numerous books that I’ve read lately, there was a phrase I haven’t really thought about before.

“It’s not as if Christ was happy to die.”

I think that is the main problem that I have. I forget how hard it was for Him. I have listened to the account of His trial and death so many times, that often I simply forget. That is one of the reasons why I often watch Jesus movie…

It’s hard to love the people whom you don’t really like. I know I am Capt. Obvious here, but I’m just saying…

And all of this is to remind myself that I am NOT giving up. I should not give up. I don’t want to give up. Well, sometimes I really wish I could, but I can’t.

So… we’ll see.

  • Betty Draper

    Zee…you got my attention right away with your honestly and girl you can write. I am 66 years old, been married almost 49 years, been saved since 1980 and I still feel like giving up at times. If it just weren’t for people life would be so good, just saying. I opened my mouth AGAIN the other day, let words fly, AGAIN. I think a few months ago I got angry about the same person and this is someone I love. How could I be so weak to fall into the same trap, AGAIN, I mean I am old enough to know better. Life is hard, people are hard, relationships are hard, work is hard, ministry is hard but every once in a while a sweet ray of light penetrates our soul and we once again say, it will be worth it all when we see Jesus. Great post.

    • Thanks, Betty.

      I love those sweet rays of light – they give hope when it seems like you’ve got darkness inside and outside.

      • Betty Draper

        Zee, I would like your address if you do not mind giving it to me. Have a little gift to send your way, a courage pendant. I have given out hundreds to women and a few men too as a reminder to take courage…God is on our side…take courage.
        My email is: bettydraper1947@gmail.com or I am on facebook so you can message me if you would like.

  • You know my thoughts lil sis. Even though we have never had a chance to meet in person, you know I pray for you and love you. Never, never, never give up (to quote a famous Englishman. Although I left off some of the “nevers). You are too valuable to the kingdom to do so. And…you will come out of this stronger. 🙂

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