I know I wrote a lot about waiting and how hard it is.
Today I finally understood why waiting is so hard for me.
It’s not so much not knowing the future. It stinks to be in the not-know, but it’s manageable.
What bugs me the most in waiting is not knowing what to do while you wait.
Often, when I get the “yellow light” at the life’s intersection, I feel as if I’m just idling there.
Being / feeling useless is my biggest fear.
I want to do something. I want to be in the thick of the action. I prefer working behind the scenes, but quite often that is the thick of the action. I like to be near the action because I have an almost pathological need to observe something / someone. If I don’t observe, the gaze turns inward, and I don’t like to dwell on me.
Simply sitting there and waiting, it feels as if I am just lazy. It makes me feel as if I must simply be not hearing Him correctly, as if He already told me what to DO and I’m just here, sitting in the shade of the tree, observing.
Do you have problems with waiting? Do you have stories about waiting that you can now look back at and think “It was good that I waited”? Care to share any?