Sometimes a song gets stuck in my mind and I keep humming it all day. Sometimes the song is dumb and I spend half of the humming time thinking what other song I can get stuck on just to get rid of that one. Sometimes, the song is good and I start thinking about the meaning behind the lyrics.
The song of the last couple of days was The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars. This was the first song of 30STM that I have ever heard and it was this very song that made me like their music. They are not a Christian band, but there’s something about them (besides the fact that the frontman is incredibly handsome)…
There is a line in that song that is especially close to me.
I tried to be someone else but nothing seemed to change.
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself, fighting for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am.
So often I find myself trying to fit my square personality into a circle opening…
Every single day I keep catching myself saying “I don’t know what I want.” I guess even God will soon be tired of that phrase coming from me. Yet I truly don’t know what I want (well, there is one thing that I really want, but I will have to wait for that – God only knows how long, literally).
But you know the fun thing? Every single time whenever I tell God “Dad, I have no idea what I want,” He provides what I need. And that makes me grin even now when I am tired and don’t want anything anymore besides sleep 🙂
A long time ago, just on a whim, I have memorized a poem by Helen Steiner Rice which comes to mind every so often.
So just keep on smiling, whatever betide you
Secure in the knowledge, God’s always beside you
For each time you smile you will find it is true
Somebody, somewhere, will smile back at you.
So… even though I am in the process of discovering who I am and even though I have no idea what I want, I am sitting here in front of my lappy, grinning and feeling all warm inside because His love is amazing and His mercies are renewed every morning.