[prayers, please?]

[prayers, please?]

It feels rather awkward to ask for prayers for myself. Not sure why… maybe it is admitting that I, too, have problems or that I, too, need help.

However… I need prayers.

Those who know me at least a little bit know about the fact that I love my work and what I do. However, today I toyed with an idea of “What would I do if I left the Chamber?”

It hurt to even consider that but my mood was so low that I just wanted to run and hide (which I sort of did, leaving the office right after 6PM and coming home instead of staying for a birthday party). I don’t deal well with conflicts and I have realized that most of the time I simply avoid the problem instead of solving it. Lame, but now that I at least identified that, I am trying to do something about it.

It’s even lamer when I don’t think any amount of work will do anything to fix this problem since the other party doesn’t realize that I am not against her. Most people have bad days… she sometimes has good days.

The thing that is the worst, however, is that I realize that it’s wrong to hate her… but sometimes I do. And the feeling SUCKS. Seriously… I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling it. So in most cases, I end up mad at her and mad at myself for allowing myself to get mad at her.

I honestly have no idea how to fix this problem. We’ve tried talking, we’ve tried exchanging cold extremely polite e-mails with my boss in CC, I’ve tried to explain to her that I am not the enemy…

Once I asked my pastor to write something inside the cover of my Bible and he wrote 6 words.

“Keep on growing. Never give up.”

On my way home, I found myself asking God (quite loudly, right there on the street), “What on earth are You trying to teach me here?”

I know once I’ll reach the “AHA!” part, it will all make sense. Right now, I am confused, sad, frustrated with myself, and dreading the fact that I will have to come to work tomorrow and say hi to her.

So… I ask for support.

*Shaking my head* Only God can fix this.

  • on their way for sure

    • thanks, Michael – you are a blessing.

  • j4man

    Prayed and will continue.
    My recent post Check on the Man Card

  • Zee – the last 5 words you wrote on your post contains it all. That's how I'll be praying.
    My recent post Falling Quietly

  • Debbie G

    Confusion, fear, frustration are of the enemy too. Relaize he is lying to you. bind the evil, pour the blood of the lamb over you, your home, your office, your co workers. I will pray. I will see what I can do, I have been learning about fear, self pity, etc. and how to be free of it all. Every day is better. There are times I get to do battle and understanding with deeper issues. but there is great hope. God's counter part of these is peace, mercy, grace, power, love, and a sound mind. I will pray and maybe we can skype soon. Will e-mail you

    • yeah, seems like frustration is the biggest enemy lately… everything bugs me. but then… not everything and thankfully not any more – the evening was great and i had an opportunity to remember why i like what i do.
      My recent post prayers- please

  • Please know that I'm praying for you. I had someone in my life like that for a while. I remember just wanting to be numb for a while so I didn't have to feel the hurt and frustration. God can help you defeat the enemy's power in this situation. I agree with Debbie and plead the precious blood of Jesus to bind satan's power. She needs love.

    • just wanting to be numb – yeah! so many times i've thought that it would be so good to just be able not to care… at least for a period of time… but then i remembered why i care and why can't i stop caring 🙂

      thanks, Mary.
      My recent post prayers- please

  • I will be most assuredly praying for you and her. Shine Jesus!
    My recent post In the Word- Light Walking

    • thank you, Dusty. thanks for praying for both of us because to be honest, i did not want to pray for her… i did try a few times, but most of the prayers ended in me trying to figure out what is going on… **sigh**
      My recent post prayers- please

  • Read this last night Zee but ran out of time. Just want you to know that I am praying for you. In fact, I prayed for you today. I have no words of wisdom to give (I will leave that with wiser people and an even wiser God). Just some words of encouragement that you are appreciated and loved and I hope you find the solution to your challenge. 🙂
    My recent post The “Issue”

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