[prayers, please?]

[prayers, please?]

It feels rather awkward to ask for prayers for myself. Not sure why… maybe it is admitting that I, too, have problems or that I, too, need help.

However… I need prayers.

Those who know me at least a little bit know about the fact that I love my work and what I do. However, today I toyed with an idea of “What would I do if I left the Chamber?”

It hurt to even consider that but my mood was so low that I just wanted to run and hide (which I sort of did, leaving the office right after 6PM and coming home instead of staying for a birthday party). I don’t deal well with conflicts and I have realized that most of the time I simply avoid the problem instead of solving it. Lame, but now that I at least identified that, I am trying to do something about it.

It’s even lamer when I don’t think any amount of work will do anything to fix this problem since the other party doesn’t realize that I am not against her. Most people have bad days… she sometimes has good days.

The thing that is the worst, however, is that I realize that it’s wrong to hate her… but sometimes I do. And the feeling SUCKS. Seriously… I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling it. So in most cases, I end up mad at her and mad at myself for allowing myself to get mad at her.

I honestly have no idea how to fix this problem. We’ve tried talking, we’ve tried exchanging cold extremely polite e-mails with my boss in CC, I’ve tried to explain to her that I am not the enemy…

Once I asked my pastor to write something inside the cover of my Bible and he wrote 6 words.

“Keep on growing. Never give up.”

On my way home, I found myself asking God (quite loudly, right there on the street), “What on earth are You trying to teach me here?”

I know once I’ll reach the “AHA!” part, it will all make sense. Right now, I am confused, sad, frustrated with myself, and dreading the fact that I will have to come to work tomorrow and say hi to her.

So… I ask for support.

*Shaking my head* Only God can fix this.

%d bloggers like this: