[saturday rest]

[saturday rest]

It’s a rainy Saturday and although I have finally got some real sleep (15 hours straight), I feel… awkward.

I guess that’s what happens when the stress finally dissolves but your body still isn’t adjusted to that wonderful fact that you can actually rest. I… I almost miss the stressed state.

There, I said it.

Why are we, humans, so addicted to that dumb feeling? Why do we crave to do something, to be in control of something? It’s like resting means you’re being lazy while everyone else works! And I know that it is not that – I wrote about it just a couple of days ago – yet… there’s this hamster feeling that I need to be doing something.

I miss the feeling of looking forward to something. Something like a camp or I don’t know what. I am writing this and at the same time there’s a mental debate going on inside my head.

“There are things you can look forward to.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Like the launch of CU.”
I grin at myself for even thinking that… “You know perfectly well that I hate that project by now. Well, okay, not “hate,” but I just don’t see the point in it.”
“Okay, there are other Chamber events you can look forward to.”
“More events. We keep having those. I am just an invisible person there.”
“Okay, okay, okay. There’s a Church board meeting being planned to take place in Kiylov, same place you had the camp at.”
“Yeah… maybe.”

Do you ever argue with yourself? Sometimes I honestly wonder if I am nuts.

Ugh. I hope it’s not “that thing” trying to assault me again. I did enjoy the sunset… even though I only got to see the other side of the sky – living in Kyiv, half of the beauty is obscured by the stupid tall apartment buildings.

I just want to… I don’t know what.

I think I shall go get myself some tea. Tea always helps.

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