[lessons learned: relationships]

[lessons learned: relationships]

A friend of mine and I were chatting today and one of the topics was relationships – as in dating.

I shared a bit about my last experience and he asked “But did you learn anything from it?”

I thought for a second and replied, “Yep.”

It was definitely a weird relationship and I know where I went wrong… So, the point of this post is basically to record the lessons that I have learned (for future reference, if for nothing else) and maybe someone else will read it and not make the mistakes I did.

Learning that sometimes one’s just not ready for a true relationship

I thought I was ready. However, I was 19, a mere sophomore at the university, and the relationship stared rather oddly. We had over 6,000 miles between us and that certainly did not help to make the situation any easier. Besides, it was right after the three tough years for my family and I (well, those were the years when my family suddenly became half of its previous size…), mom got married, and I guess I was looking for someone for me. I felt utterly alone during that year and the relationship seemed like a lifesaver. WRONG idea.

Learning that not everything was my fault

I am not skirting responsibility for the mistakes I have made, but it took me a while to understand that it wasn’t all my fault. Sometimes when depression threatens to tide over me, that relationship comes to haunt me, yet… I know that it wasn’t entirely my undoing. Some issues were his, and some issues were caused by simple incompatibility, not necessarily someone’s fault.

Learning to observe more carefully

It was during that time that I became an observant – trying to distinguish between different emotions and moods. It became quite a useful thing afterwards. Also it helped me see myself from another person’s point of view.

Learning that sometimes it’s better to remain quiet

Although it was also during the recovery time when I shut my personality inside myself, not wanting to share my hurt or bother anyone with it, it was also a time when I realized that some problems can be avoided if one thinks before s/he speaks… I know it’s quite common sense, yet back then I guess it wasn’t so common for me.

Learning that I love sharing a comfortable silence

Sitting on a porch swing and watching stars, or sitting in the hotel room and gazing at the downpour outside as well as vicious lightnings struck the parking lot in front of the hotel… No matter what – it was nice to just be together without having to talk.

Learning that God still remains faithful even when life hurts

No comments there, really; it’s rather straightforward.

There were other lessons I have learned, but it’s 12:30AM and I need to call it a night.

What were the lessons you’ve learned in your relationships – either dating or some other?

  • WOW! Where do I start? I will use the one before my current one (my wife of 37 years). I met Madilyn while at a church camp working. She came to work and we struck it off immediately. Unfortunately, it was like tinder and although we never did anything wrong, it was too touchy. I learned that loneliness is not salved by a wrong choice. I learned that others (my mom especially) don't always know what is best for me. I learned (later) that our relationship would have had huge hurdles (personalities too much alike for one). And I learned that God had the right owman picked out for me…my wife. 🙂

    • thanks for sharing, Bill.

      i choose to wait for the one God picked out for me too 😉 that's a good promise to hold onto (well, not the only one)…

  • Oops woman. LOL What is an owman anyway?

    • haha, the first thing that came to my mind when i saw that "owman" was "own-man"… 😀

      *shrug* 😀

  • The most important and hardest lessons I learned in dating were:
    1. Keep God first
    2. From the start, be yourself.
    3. Do not do anything while dating that you are not willing and able to continuously do for the rest of your life. (Dating is more than catching the girl/boy… It is truly about building a nurturing and uplifting relationship.)
    4. Keep God FIRST
    My recent post The Christian Atheist – Happiness

    • #2 – SOOO true.

      #1 and #4 – heh, yes. otherwise we end up running head first into problems…

      #3 – makes quite a lot of sense… i was reflecting on the fact that a friend of mine got married just this past saturday and now her last name has changed… that reminded me that marriage is a commitment that should be upheld until the very end (contrary to the modern notions of marry / get a divorce / get married again…)…

      thanks, Dusty!

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