[lessons learned: relationships]

[lessons learned: relationships]

A friend of mine and I were chatting today and one of the topics was relationships – as in dating.

I shared a bit about my last experience and he asked “But did you learn anything from it?”

I thought for a second and replied, “Yep.”

It was definitely a weird relationship and I know where I went wrong… So, the point of this post is basically to record the lessons that I have learned (for future reference, if for nothing else) and maybe someone else will read it and not make the mistakes I did.

Learning that sometimes one’s just not ready for a true relationship

I thought I was ready. However, I was 19, a mere sophomore at the university, and the relationship stared rather oddly. We had over 6,000 miles between us and that certainly did not help to make the situation any easier. Besides, it was right after the three tough years for my family and I (well, those were the years when my family suddenly became half of its previous size…), mom got married, and I guess I was looking for someone for me. I felt utterly alone during that year and the relationship seemed like a lifesaver. WRONG idea.

Learning that not everything was my fault

I am not skirting responsibility for the mistakes I have made, but it took me a while to understand that it wasn’t all my fault. Sometimes when depression threatens to tide over me, that relationship comes to haunt me, yet… I know that it wasn’t entirely my undoing. Some issues were his, and some issues were caused by simple incompatibility, not necessarily someone’s fault.

Learning to observe more carefully

It was during that time that I became an observant – trying to distinguish between different emotions and moods. It became quite a useful thing afterwards. Also it helped me see myself from another person’s point of view.

Learning that sometimes it’s better to remain quiet

Although it was also during the recovery time when I shut my personality inside myself, not wanting to share my hurt or bother anyone with it, it was also a time when I realized that some problems can be avoided if one thinks before s/he speaks… I know it’s quite common sense, yet back then I guess it wasn’t so common for me.

Learning that I love sharing a comfortable silence

Sitting on a porch swing and watching stars, or sitting in the hotel room and gazing at the downpour outside as well as vicious lightnings struck the parking lot in front of the hotel… No matter what – it was nice to just be together without having to talk.

Learning that God still remains faithful even when life hurts

No comments there, really; it’s rather straightforward.

There were other lessons I have learned, but it’s 12:30AM and I need to call it a night.

What were the lessons you’ve learned in your relationships – either dating or some other?

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