[plan b – thinking outside the comfort zone]

[plan b – thinking outside the comfort zone]

The point of the post is to record the feelings right now so that maybe in the future when I will come back to this post, I will grin and think about how God managed to turn the situation around…

That, and I need your prayers because frankly… this entire situation is stressing me out.

I am almost done with the Plan B book (I have a chapter left – got sidetracked because I got the book from BookSneeze – yes, they deliver to Ukraine!), but today I realized that I have read it just in time… because I have found myself in the very middle of Plan B.

How do I know? My plans have changed and I hate it.

Yet, I am trying to find something good about this situation.

Okay, rewind.

I have been working at the Chamber for two glorious years and although I complain once in a while about something, I love my job, what I do and who I work with. One of the biggest events that we do is Annual American Independence Day Picnic (since we’re American Chamber of Commerce) – around 5,000 people get to come to this event. Lots of planning, lots of preparations, and TONS of fun. For two years, I have been in charge of the Kids’ Zone. I loved it. My observer’s nature was basking in the experience – watching those kids have the time of their lives on the carousel rides or trampoline, riding horses, playing with Ronald McDonald… I was chatting with the parents while the kiddos were having fun, and it was a grand time – even when there were a few drawbacks.

When we were starting the preparations for this upcoming Picnic, it was unanimous that I would be in charge of the Kids’ Zone again. I was waiting for a year to spend another glorious day helping the little ones.

Today everything has changed.

The thing is… I am also a project manager for the upcoming Chamber Online Business Network (CU). Although in university my major was Management… it’s only because I did not want Marketing or Management of Informational Systems… I am NOT good at management.

Ask me any technical stuff about the CU and I would either tell you the answer right away or I will know where to find the answers and will get back with you. However, ask me about the launch of the event and I get lost. And I totally feel like a loser because I know it’s expected of me to come up with ideas of what I want… but that is completely out of my competence! I am just not the right person to ask when it comes to events and such – I can HELP or come up with an idea, but most of the time, those are random. However, since I get those random ideas often everyone thinks that I am some kind of a genius or something. Which I am not.

So we were thinking about how to promote this CU and someone (not me) came up with the idea of a tent at the Picnic – presentation, a couple of laptops, the wholeย shenanigan. And guess who’s responsible for that? Yours truly. I will be in that tent for 6 hours talking, and showing, and explaining.

To be honest, I was almost crying because my Kids’ Zone was taken away from me. I do realize that the Plan Bs Pete was talking about were a lot more serious than just thing little thing, but… but I so looked forward to this Kids’ Zone – especially now that Coke is sponsoring it – there will be so many cool things for the kids! And I am going to miss all that because of a stupid CU.

As much as I loved the project in its technical development stage, right now I hate it.

So… I was thinking for the entire day (the meeting was in the morning) about my options and the reasons why this silly thing made me so emotional and unbalanced.

One thing I have realized is that I am extremely selfish. Yes, I am good with Kids’ Zone and I have already managed it twice, but… is it okay to want to be at Kids’ Zone because I don’t want to be stuck in a tent? Well, that is not the only reason. I generally don’t like to change plans like that two weeks before the event. I like routine things (which doesn’t include routinely talking to people).

Another thing I came up with is that the reason I don’t want to be in the tent talking about CU is because I generally do not like to talk for a long time. I am not a marketing person.

At the same time, I know what to do at Kids’ Zone and I can deal with issues. With CU – I feel rather useless. And that’s something I hate – being useless.

But then, the argument that my admin manager used was “But who knows CU better than you?” I know she meant it as a compliment, but that was the first time when I almost broke down.

I don’t want to kill the project… But I am the wrong person for it – at least not for a project manager’s role.

UGH. I am tired of this mental debate.

I just want to do what is right… but at the same time, I so want to go back to Kids’ Zone. And to be honest, I am not sure what the right thing is – to comply with the decision and be in the CU Tent or question the decision because right now the management doesn’t know what to do about Kids’ Zone (since they were counting on me to be in charge).

All that considered, like I said above, I need prayers.

I have no idea what to do.

  • After being gone all day (you know why) I came on this. My first thought is that I will pray for you. I do anyway but this will give me something specific. I will have to reread the post slower to get a better handle on it. Sorry no words of divine or human wisdom coming out of my fingers right now. Just remember you are loved.

  • Things can take a really crazy turn. Hang in there.

    I know that's useless advice, but hey, I could quote Romans 8:28 and belittle you for not properly trusting God as a REAL Christian would do, and other REALLY insulting, counterproductive, and basically untrue things… ๐Ÿ™‚ (Not that Romans 8:28 is untrue, but dadjim, I can't figure out how it works into this mess I call MY life, so I sure have no right to tell you to apply it to yours when I can't even reconcile it myself!)

    • ๐Ÿ™‚ i think i got lost in the second part of your comment ๐Ÿ™‚

      but yeah, I am hanging in there. after all, there should be something i can learn through this experience… even if i would hate it in the meantime ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Some peeps would say that since everything works out good for Christians (based on R8:28), that we should just trust God and not question anything. If we don't fully trust God, they would claim, then we're not very good Christians.

        I do believe R8:28, but any insistent that it means everything will work out wonderful in a few days is met with extreme skepticism on my part.

        I do also believe that God is in charge and has some reason for this for you, but that doesn't mean that you're ever going to know that reason. We do have to trust God but sometimes that means trusting Him when things DON'T turn out so wonderfully.

        I don't say that to discourage, but I know it sounds that way. Sorry. I don't have it figured out by a long shot.

        • ๐Ÿ™‚ gotcha. yeah, after i have read your comment a couple of times, i realized what you meant, but thanks for clarifying ๐Ÿ™‚

          to be honest, i don't have any trouble of trusting God with this situation. i mean… i know he knows what will happen, so… yeah.

          but i REALLY have big issues with people who keep saying that the troubles in our lives (or Plan Bs) arise from the lack of faith. ooooooh, don't even get me started there… so i hear ya.

  • I can relate to this Zee. You want to do the right thing, but you feel like giving up control of the thing you are good at means its the wrong thing. I feel that way currently with my mom's ministry too. I know so much about it and yet I have to hand it over to incompetents. It's not the exact same thing, but I can relate. It's an issue of trust. I don't trust other people. But for some reason God is ordaining this moment for you to do something else. Sometimes its ok to fight things when its wrong or unjust and God puts that in us because He uses us for that moment in time to bring about his plan. Other times, we need to go with the flow. I'm not sure what end you are on right now. For me, I have to give up the need to control things and have them done my way. It's arrogant of me to think I'm better than God (not saying you are thinking that…just using my own experiences). Anyway, I feel for you. (((HUGS))) Gotta give some love back since you've been so great about helping me out. Love ya. Hang in there ๐Ÿ™‚
    My recent post Let me introduce you to my new friend Anger

    • giving up control of the thing you are good at means its the wrong thing – mmm hmmm… after thinking about this issue for all day yesterday and today, i came to a conclusion that i am simply scared witless of messing up the project… since i have never done it before. soooooooooo…. we'll see where this goes.

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