[the battle begins…]
So I am on a roll… I have noticed this about me: whenever I am dealing with stress, I write. Sometimes even a few posts per day. During days like that, my blog becomes a venting place.
Stress sucks (not that I am re-discovering America with this statement). The emotional turmoil of the last few weeks has been affecting both my physical and spiritual well-being, which sucks even more. Bad mood is much easier to get over with than headaches or the realization of unbelief that hits one like a battering ram right into the chest. Not that I don’t believe in God or in His goodness and love anymore. Rather, I keep finding myself praying the prayer of a desperate father in Mark 9:24: “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”
Yesterday, I stayed over at my friend’s place and since she’s moving and there were some books left in the apartment by the previous missionaries who lived there, she asked if I would like any of those books. Being a book-worm, I gladly agreed to take a look.
Besides four Ludlum’s books, I picked one that seemed to draw my attention. A Practical Workbook for the Depressed Christian.
Started reading it today. I don’t know whether my moodiness of the last few days is really a depression or just some physiological changes, but, man, could I relate to the statements in the book… I still am hoping that maybe it is just one of those times when you read the random symptoms of a disease and you think “Oh, I got that,” when in reality, everything is much easier.
I don’t know where this is all going. I just know that something is wrong and I don’t want it to be wrong. I want my normal cheery self back. I enjoy being myself and who I was lately was anyone but myself.
Thankfully tomorrow the entire day will be spent in the orphanage and I got the rest of the week at work. Digging through that HTML code somehow calms me down.
All I am trying to say… prayers would be appreciated… really appreciated.