[being real]

[being real]

Everyone lately has been talking (directly or not) about being real.

During the two days that I have been home, I have been exploring the depth and width of the blogosphere. Link after link, and I have stumbled upon the Lighthouse Project blog (you might’ve noticed the banner on my blog). Brandon Sneed, the owner of the blog, has been posting a story of a guy named Todd. If you got some time, check the entire story out – it’s really well written – seriously. If you got just 10 minutes, read the last entry that was posted today called CINDY.

I love the entire (well, almost – since it’s not finished yet) story and can’t wait to see how it ends, but in today’s installment, there was a paragraph that hit home.

She never gave answers that appeased his inner monster, but she also never tried passing off the trite, cliché sayings that have long since become tired staples of too many churchgoers. She never tried convincing him he was wrong; she never tried arguing him into conversion.

Brandon Sneed, “Unwanted – Entry 5”

A lot of people look for answers. After all, this is what usually brings us to God in the first place. After we have asked everyone we know that famous question “Why?” we finally turn to God.

A Bible teacher of mine once said, “I never could trust people who said they never doubted God.”

At the time when I heard the phrase, I really didn’t like the teacher. He was wrong. He was teaching all the wrong things. However, after taking a few classes with him and getting to know him better, I realized that he taught me how to accept people with different views. I still don’t agree with him that Satan doesn’t exist or other views of his, but I can be friends with him, being ME. With him, I learned how to be real and not compromise my views. Oh, only God, Dr. D, and I know how many arguments we had regarding our views. We wrote e-mails, I wrote everything I thought about his theology in my papers, I argued in class… *Soft laugh*… I really miss those challenges even though at the time I hated his classes. (It’s a wonder that I managed to get all A’s for his classes considering all the arguments.)

But the point is not my arguments with Dr. D. The point is that when I talked (and still talk) with him, I did not feel like I have to give those standard answers that most people expected. I could really say what I think and not be looked upon as if I was just a silly kid.

I guess that is another reason why I find myself more “vocal” when I write. It’s a safety thing, perhaps. Too many times when I voiced my opinions, people would be either shocked or impressed or offended or something. A friend of mine kept saying that I got a gift of prophesy. Lately, I really starting to wonder whether I have it because more and more often I find myself wanting to say something that I know is right… yet the fear of offending someone or being considered smart stops me. *Shrug* I am odd that way.

Back to Cindy from Unwanted story… The thing that impressed Todd (the main character of the story) was that Cindy did not try to “argue him into conversion.” She was not afraid of being real enough to say that she doesn’t have the answers, yet she trusts God.

So often when people demand answers, we make up our own, which then end up being repeated and like a gossip the answer gets more and more twisted.

I don’t know what I want, but my deepest desire is to be real and be who He wants me to be.

It’s scary.

But the reward is greater.

Have you ever doubted God or questioned His motives and actions?

  • I really don't like conflict, but I find myself in it more than I want to be. Even when I shut my mouth and "look the part" somehow I still end up offending someone. It is like I have "jerk" written across my forehead. I'm so quiet in person too. I do tend to be more vocal on my blog as well. someone told me that they would have never guessed I was so quiet by reading my blog. Weird. Anyway, I don't like when people say that you shouldn't question God. I know there is that whole proper respect thing and trust and whatnot, but still, if we don't ask the questions and just follow blindly, what reason will we have for believing. I've had several doubts, questions, complaints over the years at God. I refer to it as going into a shell because at those moments I am angry, mad, upset but come out the other side more trusting, focused, and determined to follow God. I think some doubts and questions are good. It causes us to sit back and remember why we serve Him in the first place. Being characterized by doubt and fear and questions is a whole other story.

    • thanks for stopping by, Michelle.

      haha, i soooo hear ya about "even when i shut my mouth and 'look the part' somehow i still end up offending someone" – been there way too often… but then, i guess people just don't get it when i say "okay, okay, i give up."… they continue proving their point… *sigh*

      i guess you and i are quite similar in our "quiet outside – stormy inside" ways.

      i agree that being characterized by doubt, fear, and questions is another story, but i think that "proper respect" is overrated… after all, when you come down to it – what's "proper"? 🙂 either one's a robot or he / she will have questions (since we don't have a lot of answers)… *shrug*

      thanks for feedback!!

  • Your funny. I have a family member that tells his wife that she should never question God and it makes me so mad. She has a ton of questions and isn't very confident in her faith, so I just try to listen, but he gets so mad that she questions anything. Really, I think she is the better Christian, if there is such a thing because her faith, what little she has…has come after much soul searching and asking those questions and realizing that she needs God. He just reads his Bible because that is what his parents taught him to do and he's kind of a legalistic Christian. I've asked him what he got out of his reading and half the time, he can't tell me. He just reads the Bible for the sake of reading the Bible. I don't want to be like that. I want to be authentic. If I read the Bible, I want it to be because I love God and want to know him, not because I want to look holy. Who are we trying to please anyway? Wow…I could go on and on. I seriously do not talk this much in person! LOL. I like that "quiet outside, stormy inside" although my husband has seen my stormy inside and it isn't always pretty ;). Thanks for the chat. I am so glad I found your blog!

    • it was odd this morning… i read your comment from my cell phone when the alarm clock first started ringing… after i hit snooze button, i drifted back into the dreamland and dreamed of what i would say to that relative of yours 🙂

      the thing that i thought of… how can you get to know a person when you don't ask questions? and we believe our God is a person (well, three persons in one, but yeah… the point is, He is a person)… so how can we get to know Him and what He wants / likes / looks for, when… when we don't ask?

      an example for that is the friendly relationship i got with my boss at work. something that i like about him a lot – he asks questions. sometimes they are totally random, like one time when he went around the office, asking who's got shiny (lacquered) shoes… or when i drank grape juice instead of my standard Coke, he came and asked "hmm, your Coke looks weird" 🙂 he notices little things and asks questions to get to know his coworkers better. at the same time, i feel quite free to ask him questions like whether he likes to cook or what changes he wants made in a publication or if his dog is finally doing better, *shrug*

      so to summarize that ramble… a friendly relationship without questions is impossible.

      i hope his wife (your family member's) won't give up on her faith and will continue to seek His will…

      feel free to ramble 😉

      hahaha, yeah, those closest to us get to see both quiet and stormy us. the good thing is – they still love us! 😀

      you're welcome.

  • I have doubted God – Doubted His actions – Doubted His motives.

    I was in a Seminary class where the Professor asked – "Who in here has never doubted God?" 4 people in a class of 35 raised their hands. The professor then said that was normal.

    I believe it to be a part of growing in Him.

    Good post and thoughts.

    • Hey Jim, great to "see" you here.

      I wonder, did those people REALLY never doubt God?

  • I have doubted God many times and even more I have questioned Him.

    Someone this week posted, "God is not afraid of our questions and doubts." He is bigger than any of them.

    I am trying my best to trust Him even when I can't figure out what He is doing or why He is doing that way!

    Blackaby in Experiencing God says something along the lines of, "the way God works in our lives does not always make sense to us, but it makes perfect sense for the Kingdom.

    • love that quote about the fact that God is bigger than any of our problems. amen!!! 🙂

      thanks for sharing those quotes, Dusty. I am a quote junkie 😀

      i read once somewhere that our lives are like a cross-stitching. It looks quite weird when you look at the back of it, but the front makes complete sense and makes a great picture. we often get to see the back of the cross-stitch, while God looks at the front.

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