[being real]

[being real]

Everyone lately has been talking (directly or not) about being real.

During the two days that I have been home, I have been exploring the depth and width of the blogosphere. Link after link, and I have stumbled upon the Lighthouse Project blog (you might’ve noticed the banner on my blog). Brandon Sneed, the owner of the blog, has been posting a story of a guy named Todd. If you got some time, check the entire story out – it’s really well written – seriously. If you got just 10 minutes, read the last entry that was posted today called CINDY.

I love the entire (well, almost – since it’s not finished yet) story and can’t wait to see how it ends, but in today’s installment, there was a paragraph that hit home.

She never gave answers that appeased his inner monster, but she also never tried passing off the trite, cliché sayings that have long since become tired staples of too many churchgoers. She never tried convincing him he was wrong; she never tried arguing him into conversion.

Brandon Sneed, “Unwanted – Entry 5”

A lot of people look for answers. After all, this is what usually brings us to God in the first place. After we have asked everyone we know that famous question “Why?” we finally turn to God.

A Bible teacher of mine once said, “I never could trust people who said they never doubted God.”

At the time when I heard the phrase, I really didn’t like the teacher. He was wrong. He was teaching all the wrong things. However, after taking a few classes with him and getting to know him better, I realized that he taught me how to accept people with different views. I still don’t agree with him that Satan doesn’t exist or other views of his, but I can be friends with him, being ME. With him, I learned how to be real and not compromise my views. Oh, only God, Dr. D, and I know how many arguments we had regarding our views. We wrote e-mails, I wrote everything I thought about his theology in my papers, I argued in class… *Soft laugh*… I really miss those challenges even though at the time I hated his classes. (It’s a wonder that I managed to get all A’s for his classes considering all the arguments.)

But the point is not my arguments with Dr. D. The point is that when I talked (and still talk) with him, I did not feel like I have to give those standard answers that most people expected. I could really say what I think and not be looked upon as if I was just a silly kid.

I guess that is another reason why I find myself more “vocal” when I write. It’s a safety thing, perhaps. Too many times when I voiced my opinions, people would be either shocked or impressed or offended or something. A friend of mine kept saying that I got a gift of prophesy. Lately, I really starting to wonder whether I have it because more and more often I find myself wanting to say something that I know is right… yet the fear of offending someone or being considered smart stops me. *Shrug* I am odd that way.

Back to Cindy from Unwanted story… The thing that impressed Todd (the main character of the story) was that Cindy did not try to “argue him into conversion.” She was not afraid of being real enough to say that she doesn’t have the answers, yet she trusts God.

So often when people demand answers, we make up our own, which then end up being repeated and like a gossip the answer gets more and more twisted.

I don’t know what I want, but my deepest desire is to be real and be who He wants me to be.

It’s scary.

But the reward is greater.

Have you ever doubted God or questioned His motives and actions?

%d bloggers like this: