[inadequate yet not giving up]
This is what God said: “Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: A prophet to the nations – that’s what I had in mind for you.”
But I said, “Hold it, Master God! Look at me. I don’t know anything. I’m only a boy!”
God told me, “Don’t say, ‘I’m only a boy.’ I’ll tell you where to go and you’ll go there. I’ll tell you what to say and you’ll say it. Don’t be afraid of a soul. I’ll be right there, looking after you.” God’s Decree.
This is the passage I keep reminding myself of whenever I feel out of place, inadequate, with people who are older than me.
Whether I will be used by God as Jeremiah was – well, it’s up to God to decide what plans He has got for my life. And the thing isn’t even about me – I just want to do what God wants. I don’t want glory for myself… but sometimes it sure helps to know whether I am doing the right thing or not.
I am an impatient sower. I want to see at least some fruits before I continue planting new trees of the same sort. But in life it does not work that way – this is when faith is required. I guess I am lacking faith. I don’t know what is going on. It seems like the issue is clear but when I try to share about it with others, they look at me as if I told them I have been snatched by a UFO and then returned back with extra knowledge.
I’ll be right there, looking after you. That’s quite a decree and quite a promise, taking into account that it was God who promised.
I need wisdom, humility, and courage. To think about it, those are exactly the things mentioned in the Reinhold Niebuhr prayer. Well, instead of humility he had serenity there, but I could use both.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen is the only word I can add that prayer.