I sort of feel like a loser, at the same time wondering if I made a wise decision. We agreed earlier this week that we’ll fast on Friday… we as in Church board. I did mention that I am going over to my friend’s place on Friday night and that we have planned that I am going to cook for them. So we decided to fast during the working hours.
Today has arrived and I remembered that today is Friday (was Friday)… The morning was a complete failure at work because first it took half of the team members additional 2+ hours to get to work (it was snowing VERY hard and the roads / traffic jams were terrible) and then once I came to work I have been told that the Windows Vista on my work laptop needs reinstalling (although the only problem I knew about – and asked our admin – was an error in Wi-Fi connection)… Great. So I got another laptop (thankfully I can sign in on any of the computers at work and use my domain name), sat in the chair next to my admin manager Nadya, and worked from there.
I did not really think about food until I realized that I am getting more and more easily irritated by everything and everyone. That is my problem with fasts – when I cannot concentrate on why I am not eating (and we don’t really have a set time for lunch at work – it’s kinda “eat-whenever-you-get-a-free-minute” thing), and when I am hungry and tired… I get really irritated and snappy.
After debating for some time, I realized that I am not fasting, but simply not eating, so I went to a store downstairs and got some food. After lunch, things suddenly started to look less gloomy and more cheerful. I even got some of the stuff done that I couldn’t for a long time.
And now that I am home from our girls’ night… I wonder (and debate with myself) whether it was a good decision to eat and be thankful for food rather than to try talking myself into the fact that I am fasting and basically pretend.
I don’t know. I think it was a right decision.
At the same time – is it really possible to fast when there are tons of demands from everywhere / everyone and you’re not even concentrating on the food / the reason behind the fast? (and I am not trying to find an excuse for myself… just honestly wondering)