[who am i? – by different people]

[who am i? – by different people]

who am i? a question that everyone asked himself / herself at least once in their life.

when we are born, we have no idea what it is to pretend. we are who we truly are (sometimes a pain, sometimes an angelic creature)… then we learn that pretending actually gets us more privileges. if we pretend we’re sick, our parents / guardians will run around us in circles trying to make us feel better. if we pretend that we’re friends with someone, maybe it will make us look cooler (even if we secretly hate that person)… and the thing is… once you start pretending, it is quite easy to get lost in your imaginary life and actually believe that it is you.

then something happens. and like running head-first into a concrete wall, we realize that we are not sure who exactly we are. here’s when the real life journey starts. before that, it was a warm-up. now, it’s time for a marathon.

i am still trying to figure out who am i. one of the means to understand myself is to see what different people think of me (i try not to let people’s perception of me affect me unless i can learn something from it)

a lot of people think i am an extrovert. the first time i’ve heard it, i was surprised because i am an introvert, INFJ. then i stumbled upon a definition of INFJ that described me perfectly…

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people – a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious “soul mates.”

(INFJ Profile, typelogic)

there were some who called me a professor. i like to learn new things, but i never considered it something of an effort… at least, i never spent nights studying for an exam or making homework. i did what i could in the time i had and usually it was enough.

just today i wondered what image did i present at my university… a guy who was in my university the same years i was there remembered me by the fact that i sat in the front row in philosophy class. i tried not to shudder at the mental image… a gal in glasses, pony-tailed hair, wearing a hoodie, and sitting in the front row… oh, and don’t forget the fact that i got stuck with a speech topic of… feminism. (those who know me, i hope you know that i am against feminism – i like being taken care of)…

it’s interesting also to read a friend of mine’s account of “what could be if you were my wife” sort of thing… although this is all mainly a joke, i can’t help but wonder what would it be like if that was real… if even reading about it makes me feel… i don’t know. comfortable, cozy, fuzzy, lovable, beautiful. makes me feel GOOD.

who am i?

and if i could learn so much just from just observing myself and other people, it makes me wonder…

who does God say that i am? (yes, i stole Jesus’ phrase)…

when He looks at me, who does He see?

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