Grace. The Dictionary defines it as “the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.”

I’ve been struggling with it for a while now and not just with a Christian meaning of the word, but rather struggling to understand why my life is so good. I have mom who loves me and whom I love; I got the bestest cousin ever; I got a job that although it doesn’t pay much, it’s all I could’ve dreamed about – team-wise, boss-wise, and actual job-wise. Life is great, so technically I don’t even have anything to complain about.

Yet, I feel like this is the eye of the storm. Is it?

And even if it’s not the eye of the storm… how come I get so much good stuff?

Yes, I am a child of God and He takes care of His own.

Yes, I try to pay attention to small things as well as big ones.

Yes, I try to follow my Bible teacher’s idea regarding “what you give is what you get” and therefore try to give love, peace, and avoid conflicts.

I guess my main struggle is trying to “pay back” for grace. stupid notion since grace is “freely given, unmerited”… but He loves me so much!

“O Lord, what are human beings that you should notice them, mere mortals that you should think about them?” exclaimed David in psalm 144. For “All we are is a puff of air; we’re like shadows in a campfire.” And yet, He does care! The Creator of the entire universe cares about me. Cares about you, dear reader. Cares about each one of us. And it’s something I know, not just believe.

But then… taking God’s love for us aside (since we’ll never be able to wrap our minds around it), what about other situations when it seems like… there is a lot of grace given.

* * *

There’s a lady at my work who has a very interesting character… for some reason she does like me. That keeps me on my toes all the time because I keep thinking that one day she might stop liking me. I don’t even know why she likes me!

* * *

My boss wrote 4 e-mails to me, replying to my e-mails, sounding like he’s in a great mood. So I thought until I have found out that almost everyone else got e-mails from him in not-so-good mood. Therefore I am left to wonder – why did I get only the good e-mails from him? (and that’s considering that I did make a mistake)…

* * *

My friends (my age and younger) look up to me. That’s probably the most paradoxical thing for me. There’s nothing special about me – I am just a kid who tries to be herself (ending up being a misfit) and tries to do what is right. Hardly sounds unique. And yet…

* * *

There are just so many things that I don’t think I deserve… or to be more honest, things that I don’t deserve for sure… and yet, I am enjoying them in full. Not that I mind… I just… am wondering.

Yes, joyful are those who live like this! Joyful indeed are those whose God is the Lord.

Psalm 144:15

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