Knowledge is an interesting thing. once you learn something, a thousand (or more) questions arise from seemingly nowhere. the stuff you have never even suspected jumps at you and knocks you back. one answer is never enough. getting one answer only launches a full-blown chain reaction that leads (most of the time) to nothing.

for example, human body is made of organs. different organs have different cells. cells, in their turn (skipping a few levels), consist of atoms. atoms consist of energy particles. energy particles are basically…nothing. therefore, what do human bodies made from? to mind comes the Latin phrase “ex nihilo…”

on one hand, we have answered each question yet we did not reach the ultimate answer.

learning theology has always interested me and only recently i came up with the reason as to WHY it was (and is) so attractive for me: it provides answers. not all, but at least i can learn what the people have thought about before me and not spend my time to “re-invent the bicycle.” a cheating way, i know.

but at the same time, theology has frightened me because there are no definite answers. it’s not a mathematic equation that you learn and that has one possible answer. a lot of it is based on faith, not reasoning. and although i have no problems believing there is the God who is loving and who takes care of people, i am tired of trying to figure Him out.

yeah, those who read this will probably think “she’s nuts.” yep. i know i don’t have to figure God out to believe in Him or to trust Him. i know that is impossible (at least right now, while i am using mere 3% of my brain capacity… but i think even with 100% i still won’t be able to comprehend the grandeur of His majesty). yet my mind keeps asking. there are so many questions!

i so long for the day when i will be able to give up these questions and just bask in His presence.

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