[stepping over the cracks]
literally. stepping over the cracks.
ever had that urge? to try and walk without stepping on any cracks in the road. most of the times it’s a fun thing to do when you’re with kids and just goofing around. but when you’re by yourself and it feels bad to step on a crack?
lately i’ve noticed that i am doing that. i have most of the cracks in the road on my way to work memorized. that alone is an odd fact. but the reason why it started to bother me… it takes a conscious effort to actually do STEP on the crack when there’s just no other way (otherwise i would look like a complete idiot… or maybe not complete – some parts will be missing). and it feels bad that i did give in and stepped on the stupid crack.
because of that, my analytic mind kicked into action and for a few days i’ve been trying to figure out why i do it. i am not an advertisement for self-help, but hey, thinking about one’s motives never really hurt anyone, did it?
so i came up with few ideas.
1. there was so much going on at work that maybe my mind needed a semblance of control? there aren’t too many things i control and so maybe this was one of the possible areas where i could control something (or someone i.e. myself) and do what i wanted to do. or make rules and follow them, but not serious ones… (maybe i am avoiding serious rules? also a possibility)
2. i do not like conflicts and i try to avoid them with everything in me. that could be another subconscious reason for me avoiding cracks since they are sort of like a conflict between asphalt particles. a stretched idea, but hey, it’s an idea.
3. maybe i am OCD? thankfully not a serious case, but i remind myself a bit of Jack Nicholson in the movie As Good as It Gets… he also had trouble with stepping on the cracks in the asphalt.
whatever the reason, it’s fun to analyze trivial stuff about myself without diving deep, for once.
p.s. and my mom’s back is fine. the childhood rhyme doesn’t apply here.